blah, blah, blog.....

what a WEEK! things have been crazy hectic
at work because i am covering 2 other CSR's
areas besides my own. things should settle back
down in 2 more weeks when i'm back to just my
area. whew!!

we took the kids on a little road trip to tulsa last
weekend for memorial day...ended up being a bust.
daniela got sick while we were there, so i stayed in
the hotel with her. she was throwing up, running a
fever, and had HUGE tonsils with sores. ended up
being strep throat, but she is on the mend with meds
now.

daniela also received her kindergarten medal this week.
she was soooo excited! they can't get the medal unless
they meet all of the academic requirements mandated
by standardized testing. can't believe they start all that
crap in kindergarten now. it's ridiculous to put so much
pressure on these kids with all these tests!

anyway, we also found out that jesus tested high enough
to put him in algebra next year during the 8th grade.
so he will be on track to take AP Calculus and AP Statistics
for college credits his senior year. i sure hope this boy gets
his head in the game & does his homework. doing excellent
on the tests isn't enough. he's got to do the required work,
whether he thinks he needs to or not.

jesus also won the "outstanding brass" award for his
school. his band director thinks he has AMAZING
musical giftedness and even though he didn't always
bring his music to class...he had memorized it and played
every note perfectly regardless. she says he's the best
french horn player she's EVER had & he just learned it
THIS year!!!! wow, that kid!!! :)

angelica is doing well, too. she's a little sad that everyone
else is getting awards & she's not. but she is my rock.
she works hard to get her grades. and that hard work
is going to pay off. if things are too easy, you don't know
how to handle it when they are difficult. so i think she'll
have a lot of experience working through issues when
she becomes an adult. that will help strengthen her.

okay, so enough rambling......i'm off to see what the day
holds for me. :)

little things mean a lot...

so, i'm making new habits. today for lunch,

i ate a sandwich on light bread, opted for mustard

instead of my fave mayo, and ate it with a side of

salad and pretzel rods. oh, and don't forget my

flavored water with 0 calories. :) i'm diggin' this

new way of eating.....so far. ;)

i am hosting a crop at scrap-a-latte on jan. 24th

and i have been working on some challenges.

the crop is called "CREATIVE RESOLUTIONS".

so each challenge will be called a "resolution". it's

gonna be LOTS of FUN!!! hope you can join me!!!

i've included a couple of sneak peaks of resolutions

we'll be doing that weekend. :)

sad day for my friend :(

my best friend lost one of her closest friends yesterday

after a long battle with cancer. it makes my heart hurt

to think of the pain she must be feeling right now.

i wish i lived closer to help out with whatever she needs.

it's scary losing someone so young. she was around

my age- early 30's. please pray for comfort and healing

and peace for the family and friends. may she rest in peace.

blah, blah, blah...

so today is just another day that i've been

feeling blah. i have friends who are hurting

something terrible right now...and yet i worry

over the stupidest crap!

do you ever let

things bother you WAY more than they should?

do you ever feel like being completely childish

and lashing out against people that have hurt you?

i know it's so petty in the grand scheme of life....

i'm just not ready to let it go apparently....

at least not yet.

hopefully soon.

wow! life throws a curve ball....

doesn't it?

i feel like someone just walked up to me and punched

me in the gut when i wasn't looking. wow.

i guess there's no way of forseeing all the blows you receive, huh?

so, i'm just going to try to concentrate on everything left that is

good in my life. that's all that should matter anyway, right?

dang. i wish i didn't invest my emotions completely in things....

it would make it easier to handle when it all falls apart.

of course, without risk there's no true pleasure found either, right?

i guess i just need a moment to catch my breath.

real life lesson

8:05 p.m.

I dropped Lica off at the

downtown festival earlier this evening &

her bff's mom was going to pick them up at 10.

I didn't want her out past then, becuz people

would be getting drunk and acting stupid &

she didn't need to be around all that.

***

9:53 p.m.

She calls me to tell me that her bff's

mom isn't going to make it there by 10, but that

they're still hangin' with their large group of

friends, so everythings okay. I tell her to give

me a few minutes and then i'll come to get them.

***

10:02 p.m.

She calls back and says some guy is down and

they think he's dead. I'm like what? The paramedics

just pushed their way through the crowd &

they're checking for a pulse, but he doesn't

look like he's breathing. I think he's dead.

I asked if he fell from a ride. She says no. He's

just laying on the ground.

***

Then she starts giving me a play by play

of what the paramedics are

doing to try to revive this guy- oxygen bag,

cpr, iv, then they got out the paddles. I don't even

know why she kept standing there watching or

why i kept listening to what she was telling

me. This was real and she was watching this.

***

I asked if they were letting people leave the area

and she said yes. I said then you need to get

away from there. I don't want you watching this.

He could die and you don't need to see that. She said

I think he's already dead momma.

***

So I told her where to meet me and kept her on the

phone with me until I got there to pick her up.

Just at that time, the paramedics were finally leaving

the scene to take this guy to the hospital. Lica

called Jesse to see if he had heard about it.

He said he would check into it for her.

***

Turns out, this guy was actually a 17 year old kid.

He was dead. Not sure if they ever revived him or not.

Probable cause of death? Overdose.

***

Wow. Sobering thought. These kids hear all the

time that drugs kill. Now they've seen it happen.

Real life. Real death. Right before their eyes.

check out my new blog

i've started a new blog to document
the ins and outs, ups and downs of
my new lifestyle. and hey, if you have
anything you would like to chat about
that you're struggling with or working
on, please feel free to share it with me there.

consider it a place to vent. :)

TODAY'S POST

the saga of my headaches

thank you so much for all your concern.
so many people have asked me how i'm
doing & i thought it was time to just explain
it all in one place.

i started getting daily headaches in january.
six weeks later
i broke down & went to the doc. (i'm bad about
going.) he said he thought i was having cluster
migraines &
prescribed some meds to stop them when they
start and to hopefully eliminate them from
happening. well, neither of those meds worked.

time went by, and the pain would still not go
away & instead became constant. then i started
experiencing numbness in my left arm &
left side of my face. sometimes my legs & feet
would tingle too. i have almost passed out
numerous times and have experienced some
"mixed up" moments where i just can't seem
to get my words to come out right. the doc called
it "mental confusion".

i finally went back to the doc
when i couldn't take it anymore & he tried
3 more meds. again- nothing kicked the pain.
so he referred me to a neurologist.

the neurologist gave me a thorough exam.
i didn't do so well during the reflex testing and
when he was having me follow his finger
with my eyes. in fact, i almost passed out.
all of this, along with the
pattern of the pain and other symptoms concerned
him enough to order a brain scan mri.

there are a couple of things he's concerned about
and said he won't be comfortable until a brain
scan is done. it could be a vascular malformation (avm)
or a growth. however, we won't know anything until
the mri is done. therein lies the next problem.
the doctor's office & insurance company can't seem
to get on the same page about the mri approval!!
ugh!! it's frustrating. so, hopefully it will be
approved this week.

in the meantime, the neurologist has taken me
off ALL pain meds & forbidden me to take ANY
pain meds of ANY kind! he said that they
can contribute to what they call "medicine
headaches" and might allow temporary relief
only to cause more pain later.

so, there you have it. my situation in a condensed
version. i don't have any sick time at work
until december, so my days consist of trying
to be productive at work and then coming home
to try to get some relaxation.

hopefully they'll find something out soon & this
will be a thing of the past. i appreciate all your
thoughts & prayers & concern. it means more
than you know.

not a bad day

today started off pretty rocky.
i've been experiencing numbness
in my left arm & left side of my face.
this morning was particulary bad. but,
by this afternoon, i actually had a pain
free period that lasted about 30 minutes!
wow! i forgot what that feels like!! i was
ecstatic! :) although it was short lived,
the numbness hasn't been as pronounced
this evening and my head hasn't been
hurting as severely. so, all in all, it hasn't
been a bad day at all. in fact, one of the
best i've had in a loooooong time.

so, i decided to take advantage of this &
i scrapped some DT projects for
Scrap-a-Latte. i was afraid i wouldn't
feel this good again for a while, so juuuust
in case....i got them finished. it was quite
nice. last time i tried to scrap, i barely
made it through one layout and had to
go lay down. tonight, i was able to complete
3 and although i'm feeling pretty exhausted,
i'm not completely spent.

i'll post them when i get them scanned in
and uploaded.
~~peace

why i'm mia so much

well, lately my headaches have taken a turn
for the worse. i've had the same headache
for over a week straight now, with absolutely
no relief. even with 3 meds!! nothing touches
the pain & i've had some other symptoms
and side affects that i'm dealing with.

my dr. referred me to a neurologist, so hopefully
i'll finally get some relief and answers soon.

anyway, i don't want to share a lot of details, but
just wanted you to know why i haven't been online.
hope to be back soon.

mommy, can we talk about God

so the kids were all being a pain in the
butt tonite....and then at the dinner table,
daniela asks, "mommy, can we talk about God &
what we love about Him?"

i said, "sure".

she said, "i just love that He made Santa
Claus & his beard, too. and that he made
all the presents Santa gives us." "now, what
do you love about God?"

i said, "that He gave you guys to me."

she said, "that IS good. i am also loving that God
made video games. they are SO much better
than board games & i get to put the game in the
gamecube. little man won't let me play, but
at least i get to put the game in."

awwwwww.....is she not the sweetest little thing
sometimes?? totally brightened my mood. :)

i'm ready for spring!

well, our spring showers arrived
a bit early this year....in fact, wide
spread flooding was quite the problem
in my neck of the woods yesterday.

one man was swept away by the
flood waters....they still haven't found
him. so sad.

so today, i'm thankful to be alive &
to have all my family with me. :)

i love spring, but i don't like too much
rain...it's supposed to be in the upper
60's tomorrow, so hopefully that
will help dry up the water.

happy hump day! :)

settling in

so, jimmy is coming over friday
night to meet us...all of us,
except jesse. jesse will be in
texas.

i told daniela that lica's
boyfriend is coming over on
friday & she said she doesn't
want him to come. she said
she'll hide in my room & i can
come get her when he's gone.

little man is okay with it. he
just thinks it's all kind-of
funny.

so we shall see how it all plays
out. as for me, i'm trying not
to make a bigger deal out of
it all than is necessary. it's
not like she's going to get
married tomorrow...so i'm just
trying to go with the flow, keep
the communication open, and show
her that i'm supporting her.

help! reality check needed ASAP!

so, our 14 year old daughter,
angelica, laid some heavy
news on us today....shocking
news, in fact. she has been
dating a 16- soon to be 17 year
old boy!! he's a JR in HS &
she's only a FRESHMAN!!

okay, so i've been pretty calm
about all this, but jesse is
not doing as well.

especially, after hearing about
them kissing & saying i love you
& talking about the "future"!!
ding dang, ya'll...i don't know
what to do with all this info!!

whew!! deep breaths beginning
so i don't have a freakin' panic
attack!! he's 2 years & 2 months
older than her!! he'll be graduating
next freakin' YEAR!!!

okay, so obviously the BIGGEST
concern i had is that i've always
been open with Lica & have NEVER
given her a reason not to talk
to me about life stuff...including
freakin' boyfriends. so i must
admit i've had a good cry about
why she didn't tell me about him.
they've already been dating a MONTH
on Wednesday!! and when she's gone
to the mall, she's been meeting up
with him & saturday she met him
in the park!

so, the reason she brought him up
now is that he wants to meet us.
he even freakin' asked her what's the
youngest age she'd want to get
engaged! WHAT????!!!! ENGAGED???!!!
she's freakin' FOURTEEN!!!!

whew!! deep breaths again.....

wow! anyone have any advice?
part of me says, "it's not that
big of deal...they're not going
to last...they'll break up & she'll
be heart broken but will move on...
right???" so i don't want to freak
them out & i want to let her
go through this whole process...it's
part of growing up...but on the other
hand...he's 16! that's when jesse
& i started dating & WE started
talking about the "future" &
marriage within our first month of
dating, too!! look @ us...17 years
later...so it happens, right??
omg!! i think i'm gonna pass out!!

whew! deep breaths....deep breaths...
slowly....wow.

so i told her since we know about
him now, there will be no "secret"
meetings. if she wants to see him,
she can tell us. if she has nothing
to hide, then don't hide!! and
under NO circumstances is he allowed
in our house when we're not home. period!
fortunately, she's never home by
herself...so one of the other kids
will tell on her if he comes over.

okay, so doesn't this seem like she
is WAY too young for all this???!!!
seriously, next July he'll be an "adult"
technically speaking & then it will
be ILLEGAL for him to you know....so
is it weird for him to be dating a
minor??

omg!! this is freakin' too much....
share your thoughts, advice, etc.

just call me medicine head

dang, ya'll! i still can't get rid of these
pesky migraines! well, my doc has
now put me on a nightly pill that i take
before bedtime to help "relax" me.
so, we'll see if that works. plus i got
some more refills on the other medicine.
i'm just so tired of not feeling good. i honestly
can't remember....between my feet & my
other health issues....when i felt good,
even normal. i don't even know that
i would recognize it if it happened
becuz it's been THAT long!! years, really.
i've had my foot problems since i was
in my last trimester of pregnancy with
daniela & she's almost FIVE! that's a long
time!

it is really taking a toll on not only me
but my family, too. and that hurts me
most. i feel like inside of me is this
"fun" , carefree, active girl.....full of energy.
but that person is trapped....a prisoner
of this pain-filled exterior.

well, i am alive & that is promising. ;)

was today monday again??

okay, i swear today was just as hectic
& crazy as yesterday!! i thought it
MUST be monday again...guess it's
a good thing it's not! :)

have you ever received one of those
junk emails that actually "means"
something? it happened to me today.
i found myself looking at everything
very negatively & my thoughts
were all centered on me, me, me. then i got
this email that totally changed my
perspective. it made me remember
that the world doesn't revolve
around me (shocker, i know!) and that
there are so many people hurting today
from things that will not change....things
that can never change. that made
me pause, thank God for the life i have,
and go about the rest of my day with
a happier outlook!

and then i can't shake this overwhelming
feeling
of wanting so bad to help someone, and
not knowing how to go about it. have you
ever felt like that? like you're being called
to do something kind, good, whatever to
someone...but all you can do is sit back &
pray for them......send empathetic thoughts....
and that's it. you can't seem to
do anything that is going to make a
difference in their life, and you want
to badly.
funny thing is, i've never even met this
person....but they are a friend of a
friend....and it just feels like i should do
more.

anyway, i hope that you & yours are
safe, healthy, and happy today.
peace. ~~

wishful thinking?

most people who know me, know i struggle
with anxiety & depression. a part of that is
simply not being happy with who i am. by that
i mean, thinking i'm not as good as someone
else...wishing i were as well-liked as someone
else...i guess it's a form of jealousy, even though
i don't view it that way. it's just the constant feeling
of being inadequate....as a wife, mother, friend--even
scrapper.

do you ever wish you were someone else? if not,
how do you stay happy with who you are??
i'd love to hear from all you strong women out there...

shout it out loud!!!!

i'm totally in a pout, scream, pitch a fit
mood!! seriously, i need something strong
to relax me tonite. ARGH!!!! dang, it's just
trivial stuff to some, but we almost lost one
of our pugs today....multiple times.....
it's a looooong story, but the short version is
that he & our bassett hound got out of the back
yard becuz one of our gates came open. the ups
man was kind enough to catch bud & bring him
to our house becuz he read the address on his
tag...but as for daniel-san...he ran off.

so after about an hour or so, i finally left work.
i couldn't take the thought of him being lost &
getting hit or kidnapped or whatever.

okay....this still isn't very short. let me get to the
end. we finally found him at least a mile away from
our house thanx to the tip from a passer by to the
animal shelter. then, we spent over an hour
running through parking lots & busy streets trying
to catch him. he almost got hit so many times, i
can't even count. jesse was literally running full speed
after him & would almost catch him, but then he'd dart
in front of a car & it would slow jesse down.

after almost going onto the busy interstate, he finally circled
back to a mcdonald's parking lot & pooped out. i grabbed
him & jesse was still seeing stars from running
like a mad man in the cold for that long. it was only like
20 degrees here today.

yeah, so that was an emotional experience. people
were trying to help us & were driving jesse from one
point to the next sometimes to get him through
traffic. now, i can find some humor in all of this...
now that daniel is safe at home...but jesse on the
other hand...not so much. he hates him right now &
doesn't even want to SEE him for the next few
days. yikes.

now, to top it all off, this has been one CRAZY
illness filled week with icy roads to boot. just
one mess after another & at this point i just
want a massage, long spa bath, and a strong
cup of something tasty. :) ahhhhhhh.....wishful
thinking. :)

oh, my head hurts!

yeah, that's pretty much been my
mantra for the day. my head has
been throbbing ALL day long! ick!
i think it's just the head cold i've been
fighting, but i wish it would go away.

so, today was fun, though. i got home
& had a TON of emails from the new
DT members @ USC. :-) i seriously
could kiss the creator of email. it pretty
much ROCKS! really the internet in general.

here's hoping you have a pleasant hump
day tomorrow. ;-)

keeping my mouth shut.....

is SO hard to do!! but i have been able
to tell 2 of my BFF's & my hubby & my
kids....so it's all good. =)

i'm feeling a little groggy & still
stopped up today. i took sinus
meds yesterday that KNOCKED me
OUT! cold. for 4 hours! no joke. it
was pretty pathetic. i wish i wasn't
so sensitive to meds, but i am. i thought
they were non-drowsy, which is why i
took them. but after waking up & not
knowing why i was so sleepy, i read the
bottle. oh yeah, the first warning was
"may cause drowsiness". for me, that
means LIGHTS OUT within a 1/2 hour!
*roll eyes* =)

so, today i woke up, hoping to feel refreshed,
rejuvenated, renewed....nope. the red
witch made her appearance & my head's
STILL stopped up! ugh!

oh well, i still can't help but be SOOOOO
happy today!!! i've got lots of house cleaning
to do, since the kids TORE it UP while i
was snoozing & i muuuuuuuuuust SCRAP!!! =)